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  • April Harper

Fear and Guilt

What would you be doing if you had no fear and no guilt? When I applied to go to school for my doctorate, I could hardly even tell anyone what I was doing. It was one thing to work, but I felt so insecure about really going for it. I felt like I would be a bad mom one day or for sure be looked at as a bad mom. This picture was taken the first day I sent my first baby, Will, to daycare. I cried. He cried. The daycare workers probably cried. Just kidding -- they knew just what to do 😉. But each day, it got a little bit less painful for all of us.


I really felt like God had told me to do it, and even still I have had such doubt along the way that I've made the right choice. When I'm giving up weekend time with my family, or lacking mental energy, or tired from staying up working, I start thinking, what is the point of all of this? And I honestly do not know what the answer is to that question. I just know that God led me to do it. So, it probably has a lot less to do with my career than it does with my heart and learning to trust him. There is no time and no place for fear or guilt about what God has said to do. "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine, I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you." (Isaiah 43:1-2) You are mine.

That line brought tears to my eyes this morning. If I am connected to the God of the universe, oh my goodness, what do I have to fear? I have thought at times that the river was overwhelming me, but it is not. The promises are A L W A Y S true.